... ... ... ... (U fill it up)

I am starting up this post without filling up the title up there(will fill it up later), partly because i don't know what i want to say the most, and partly because i don't know what i am supposed to feel. The time since the last post has been mixed, there has been the unfortunate incident of the Mumbai blasts ( ...:-( ... :-( ...), i am supposed to be writing exams, and one of them the one that i absolutely detest, more so because of my ineptness at it and less so because its difficult(at least for me).

We all fight our own demons, we feel that there is nothing more unfortunate happening to people around us than is happening to us, its because we know our problems the best and seldom talk about them to others. And the very idea of revealing them to others makes one vulnerable, of being laid open without any defence. That's why i feel that trust is more important in life than anything else. Its hard to achieve, but the best thing to strive for.

I take my good moments for granted and make the sad ones huge(i think so does everyone else), its when we start living in the happy moments is when we are going to finally make it possible to get used to it and make them come closer together and not be overwhelmed by pain and the prospect of loss.

Apart from this i am feeling really helpless ever since the blasts in Mumbai, is there nothing we can do to stop this, here there is a nation that's at least trying to do something, go to the moon, feed more people, create jobs, fight among ourselves, trying to have a nice cricket series, . . . . . . . . . and here come these #$*@ #%@ morons who don't have the fainest idea what they are dying for apart from some distant rhetorical blabbering. Give Me A Break, we are trying to create a life here. Go ahead and do the same for yourself and leave us alone. And someone please tell me what can I DO.

The soul is virtual...

Sometime back i came across a study that discussed the emergence of social networking sites in almost every part of the world. All human beings have one thing in common. The need for recognition, we yearn for others to think like we do, to understand what we feel, to sympathize with our sorrows and be happy with our joys. Now the social site phenomenon is not something new but now many more people are beginning to discover this world with more and more people joining the bandwagon. Where u don't have to worry about your neighbor, a block button exists for people whom u don't like, I have seen people who are completely different people if u go by their profiles, a world where the scrap count matters more than the job profile that one holds, where u don't have to worry about acting because someone else doesn't approve of u.

In the quest for shaping our worlds more to suit us we have made this more and more real than reality. And the social networking sites are doing their best to make it even more lifelike. The friend list is displayed on the maps so that u know where the person that u are talking to is, facebook has an application that allows you to keep pets, dress it up, feed it, dress it, u can pat other peoples pets and get credit for it, discuss your pet with other pet owners. I think its the same phenomenon that's responsible for games like spore that let the player design the whole world that they want to play in. From the creatures to the heavens. People spend more time creating and updating their profiles than they would care to spend in front of the mirror. Because after they don't care who their neighbor is, unless of course they are their on their friend list.

I was just wondering what will happen to all this content and data lets say 30 years from now, when the people who own them die or become too old and realise that there is life in the physical world too. I think its not too hard to think of profiles being inherited from generation to generation. After all we do have diaries being passed on. And lets make a movie out of this: the guy on deathbed dies in mid stride while telling his son the password to his account. And the son embarks on a quest to unearth his fathers legacy... :) ... Bad storyline is it... :-) ... Yes even i thought so... :-) ...

Lost in translation....

Its not been long that I started blogging and it has its own pair of ... cant call it difficulties, rather i think nuances. Life goes on as usual but now every event feels like it should be put into words. And that's an intricate task, at least for me. I don't know what should I attribute this to, my sparse vocabulary or something else. Am almost getting the feeling that there are more meanings lost in translation from thought to words than it is from one language to another... Shakespeare cant be blamed after all for making up words where he needed. But the large amount of work required to create the circumstances and plots required to convey the meaning. I think its a bit too much work for a lazy blogger like me. I think in the meantime i should rather work on my English. But that surely leaves the writers at peace, lest I be considered a threat to them. ... :-) ...

Hope..........................

Its amazing how one can make ones life so simple but yet so fragile. So comfortable yet so prone to pain. We make up hope where there is none and the slightest, the insignificant, the otherwise mundane would just break that barrier. Or at least bring it to the hilt. I am reminded of a phrase that i heard, read, glanced somewhere that makes so much more sense now(i dont remember it exactly but i think i remember the feeling it hoped to convey)- "Until now everything is so serene, and composed, but the slightest change, the fall of a leaf, the crying of a child, a moments pause just breaks open the flood gates and the the composure is lost". Its amazing what one can do to convince oneself of the otherwise inconceivable just so as to live in hope and that in turn provides a purpose to life. I think its the same feeling/emotion seen in fanatics either religious or otherwise. Anyway i think i will get round to that topic sometime later. At a later day, another odd hour.

Drought of words...

I went home... And i guess i got too rested and relaxed. I am not getting those wordy nights. Will be back soon. I will be back soon i hope... :-) ...

Detachment... Why do we cherish memories

Recently i had the occasion to go through my past. In a way i mean. I was shifting through the remains of my trunk and came across old books and stuff that i was positive that i had no use of. But still it felt bad to discard them. There were some vague very distant memories associated with them that refused to let go. It was only with a heavy heart that i finally bade them goodbye. What was perplexing in this entire episode was that the items did not really mean anything to me at the time when i had them. In fact i could go as far as to say that i literally misused/abused them, as was obvious from the torn pages and broken limbs.

But the experience made me wonder, why did they gain in value over time. Is it just human nature, or was there something special about them, that special factor which i am subconsciously aware of but i cant put a finger at. Maybe its the former, is it not always 'old is gold' and 'future is always going to the dogs'(I personally think very highly of dogs, according to me any such phrase could only mean for the good, but that's how the phrase goes). And if i want to argue in favor of the latter, lets see, when we like someone, and want to remember then we go to places where we have been together, not because we like the place but because we have memories associated with the place. Human memory is basically abstract and sort of photographic, so we can associate similar feelings on seeing similar patterns or places. But will that mean that sub-consciously i was happier at the earlier stage than at present, does an attachment with something in the past mean that we are growing unhappier everyday. Are we not ready to look forward to tomorrow and wish to cling on to the past? I cant make up my mind at present. Maybe sometime in the future... That does give me something to look forward to... (Is that contradictory??.. :-) ...).

The purpose of life...

It was while i was writing the previous post that i was reminded of a conversation i had with my brother a few months ago. The question was simple, whats the purpose of life. At the moment i the first thing that i said was- "To be happy". And to find out what brings us happiness. I still stand by that statement. Though reflecting back at the it i think its not very easy to determine what is it that makes us happy. I have seen people getting confused between what they want to do and what they should do. Almost all the people i have seen, with tension, confusion, unhappiness, sorrow, loneliness, or simply just unhappy with lives. In all the cases the solution boils down to just one simple thing(All right i agree its not that simple...); to get our priorities right. To set for ourselves and everyone involved in our life an order of importance. And to let everyone be aware of it. An arrangement of the sort ensures a lot of confusion is removed from relationships. And though it may be painful for a few in the short term. Eventually its going to simplify your life to a great extent. What's important is not the order but the fact that everyone can know and comprehend your actions and not be confused or frustrated by it.

I think i deviated a great deal from what i started with. Anyways to get back to the point, i believe that everyone must have a lil word or sentence that should lead him through his life. It may not be constant, nor does it need to be elaborate. But it should be very clear for the person himself. He must be able to clearly see its meaning though its not at all necessary that he must be able to explain it to another soul. So go ahead and find out what is it u live for, when was the last time u truly smiled, were without a fear or worry in the world. And in those rare moments u will find what is it that u truly need in your life. And thus make those moments come more often until u start looking forward to every moment in your life.

Meaning and the purpose of money?

I have and i am sure almost everyone must have at some point of time met someone who said that they want to make money. And that's a perfectly good, sane thing to say. But what does money mean, i just wanted to figure that out. As usual i ran a Google and landed up on wiki, there were a few interesting words used there to describe the term that caught my attention. The most prominent of this was "medium of exchange". Reminded me of the barter system i read about ages ago in history classes. After all money in itself is of no value unless it can be bartered for another item which we may need, desire, want or be interested in. That brings us to the question of what makes us want something. After the basic necessities of food, shelter, etc. are fulfilled, which i am sure anyone reading this would not be worried about, the next thing on the line is comfort, for ourselves and the people we hold near and dear.

Coming back to the initial statement about making money, the statement is a result of a number of questions that preceded that. And it is not an end unto itself. The act of making money carries with if a desire to obtain something of value which can be accomplished only through an intermediate medium of exchange. The problem arises when we begin to work towards achieving the objective but fail to remember the questions and the deliberations that has led to it. A lot of pain in this world would be reduced if only people realise what is the purpose that they are working towards. The final aim. The purpose of life?(contd...).

The problem of why???

I think we spend an awful lot of time on the "Why?". When confronted with a situation we should instead focus on the "How" of the solution rather than the why? Because the more u ask why the more will be the number of questions. Every man has a story to tell. When u ask a why, every person on the planet will give u a fairy tale, every culture has a story, every religion will give u a story, but that will not solve your problem. So start the How. Don't ask me why?

Desire of the Impossible

I was reminded very rudely recently of the very nature of desires n dreams. The circumstances that brought about the realization apart, the first thing that it reminded me of was the lecture scene in the beginning of the movie "The Life of David Gale". It said something similar in spirit to the following--

Desires are bound and supposed to be outlandish. Something that's impossible. That's beyond our reach. The very notion of a dream being achievable takes it away from the realm of dream and puts it into the arena of reality.

As human beings i believe we are meant to live on dreams. The day we stop dreaming. We stop growing in our life. One may still say that one is happy(in their own interpretation of the word). But there will always be that void that gets created due to the lack of the NEW. So just go ahead and dream the Impossible. And keep on dreaming. And the day u think that u have achieved the impossible. Well its never too late to dream again.... :-) ...

P.S. A lil footnote. I prefer keeping my dreams to myself. I think so should u.

Have been travelling....

There was a recent drought of words from my side. Not because i did not have any but because i have been unable to put anything on paper(in the spirit of the phrase). I have been traveling for almost a week and have a number of things to write about. Some from the journey, the people and some from the random readings.

Images like these are the most common sight when traveling through the vast expanse of the country. These are just a few pics from my cell phone camera which i took while i was awake on the journey. I will have to admit there were more beautiful things to capture. But either i was too lazy or the journey was too fast... :-) ....

Recap...

My post before last. I was thinking that the bailout package isn't going to be needed. But it was passed today. I guess one of the two things happened. Either i was wrong, or fear of not doing anything made people to act as they did. If i recall correctly then the vote was defeated because there was no public support for it. How much of that could have been changed in the last few days is questionable. But if it means that the public support goes down for Republicans than Obama winning would be a sure thing. McCain already has a negative going for him(in Palin). However the the package is going to get the Republicans a lot of friends in high places. And that makes a lot of difference in elections... Lets see how the results shape up. I think this is my last post on this topic. until i see something there that i can relate to in a general sense.

My comment on MyToday...

Yesterday was interesting, at least different in a way. I wrote some comments at Rajesh Jain's blog and he actually replied to it. That was interesting, I was of the general opinion that my numerous comments just go unnoticed. It was nice to know that they are actually being read once in a while. Well i think thats going to give me another reason to continue spamming all those sites... :-) ...

Recession... Depression... Anything else u want to call it... :) ..

Well, Its been sometime since i wrote here. And my last post is still pending vis a vis its execution... Anyway nowadays whenever i read news i find words like those in the heading. And that makes me wonder.. :-) ... What is it that's actually happening. The most interesting phrase that i keep remembering with respect to the crisis in US is - " Privatisation of profit and socialization of losses". it sounds good... :-) ... When the sub-prime crisis had just come into light, I read an article somewhere. It equated the situation to socialism. The writer argued, that when all is said and done, there are going to be homes left over, which are going to be a lot cheaper that they originally were. There are going to be people with homes and the loans written off or reduced. I felt that it was actually true. And in the present situation it seems even more apt(I think the article was Swaminomics TOI). The government is going to take over loans that cant be repayed. Thus taking money from the public and redistributing it to those who dont have it. It is better than socialism i think. Where else will we be able to determine so well the needy(if we can disregard the small but unavoidable number of purposeful defaulters).

Further, when the US senate refused to pass the bailout bill, my news alert told me that 1.2 trillion were wiped out in about 6 hours. That sounds like a good number. And its bigger than the figure that was supposed to come for the rescue. What it tells me is that markets run on emotions, because the market has lost that much money and is still alive.. :-) ... Should the reinvestment of the same not bring up the market(but of course people are not going to be buying the useless mortgages now, only a goverment would do that). But if we just go with principle. Lets privatise the losses. Some companies go down. And stay that way so that people wont make the same mistakes twice. Of course i am noone to talk economics. But there is a simple fact that hard cash cant grow. So it is going to be invested back. And thats going to be more than the amount thats slated for the bailout. Let me see how its going to turn out. If u know why this wont work. U can comment below... :-)

I want a white pet mouse...

I want a white pet mouse. Thats my latest aim. Anyone reading this. If u know how to get one. Contact me... ;-) ... I am looking at my end to. Lets see when i can get my hands on one... ;-) ... I will tell u how i got is as soon as i get my hands on one....

From Concrete To Abstract...

The other day i was attending a lecture. The professor said an interesting thing. There is one method of learning which is first giving a concrete idea and then making it abstract. So that people identify with the solution or the problem before they can actually relate to the generalized solution. Though its pretty straight forward and basically a solid concept as to how it applies to the different subjects that we study. If we take Discrete mathematics, the subject itself is based on abstract ideas. It deals with abstract ideas before actually putting them into practice. Though it could be done the other way round, it would not be as interesting and in some cases may not even serve the purpose that the subject seeks to achieve. i.e. make us think about situations in a generic manner instead of looking at numbers explicitly.

On the other hand there are programming courses which themselves abstract. From the beginning to the end. A program is itself an endeavor to conceal the underlying structure and simplify the workings for the user of the system. In that sense it increases the concrete nature for the user, but creates a layer of abstraction for the programmer which he must handle. But then to start and end with abstract things may not always be easy. Thus it is best for the student to start from concrete things. But in most of the cases the concepts required for the understanding is not imbibed beforehand. Anyway,.. Lets not get into how courses are designed. But then again, I liked the concept. From concrete to Abstract,... From Abstract to concrete... :-) ...

What do i have....

Thinking... just thinking... I have been doing exactly what i do all the time.. Speculating and extrapolating. Was just watching a movie. And there was a sort of diary being read by one of the characters. And what i could think of was what would i do in such a situation. Not that i ever expect myself to be devoid of such essentials as access to the www... But then i do not know what is the sum total of my life. k let me just sum up the way i live. Use an online organizer to remember, write blogs about what i do in life which is stored on servers thousands of mile away, ... if tomorrow is die. Everything goes with me, No legacy. Nothing to tell anyone what i thought. At one point of time i did think of writing.. i mean using a pen and paper. But then my own handwriting prompted me against it. I read somewhere recently, "its not about being applauded when u arrive, its about being missed when u are gone" ... I was just thinking how much of that is true for me.

The harmony of things...

Well i dont know about everyone. But at least i am getting my share of realizations nowadays. We seem to be taking so many things for granted and dont even worry about all that works. And what made me say that.. Well its something as insignificant as a rash on the face. I got some allergic reaction. And when its healing its making me realise how much of my face i use. Every action moves some part go ouch... :-) .. .. Well it at least i got the better part of one saying-- It takes __ muscles to smile __ to frown and none to just sit there with a dumb look on ur face -- Actually thats what i am doing nowadays. .. :-) ... (U can fill in the blanks above, i dont remember the number.. And dont want to get it wrong). Anyways if we extrapolate the idea. or rather generalise it. I think thats how it is in every part of our life. We seem to take for granted all that works. And i have seen an enormous number of people grumbling about all that doesnt work. It may be in their eternal quest for the perfect world. But then it does make the world a sadder place doesnt it.. So i think i will keep my signing off line.. Keep smiling.. :-) ... Take the world as it comes. Just lets be happy. And yes if u are reading this. Dont bother telling me i get incoherent. I know that.. :-) .. :-) ..

The meaning of the word....

Looking into the past i see a lot of places where i wanted to say something but could not. The reasons where many, many a times i did not know what to say for i did not know what the feeling felt like. After all how do we associate words with meanings. Its mostly through experience. For concrete things we can make a line and label things. But for something that cannot be seen but only felt, how can that be conveyed from one person to the next. In everyone's life there will always be a day when the they feel a feeling for the first time. On that day how is a person supposed to express it... How can we compare what two people feel,.. How can we ensure that when two people say some word, that they mean the same things. I think the most common feelings that we encounter, and the one most easily labeled are 'happy' and 'sad'. But after all is said and done. Everything is open to interpretation. People exposed to the same circumstances are going to have different views to the event. That may lead to them labeling events differently.

Now comes the reason as to why i am ranting about such irrelevant things. Today i just wanted to talk but i cannot because i dont know what to say. Or whom to say it to.... Anyways life goes on. Lets see what i get from tomorrow.. -Or rather looking at the time- Today... :-) ...

Touch of love

i wrote this poem a while ago... And a few people even liked it.. So i think i can put it here.. After all its my blog... I can write anything here that i damn please...

How could I know that I am in love,

When all that mattered was just to look tough,

I waded away the thoughts,

I strangled the suggestions,

That I could be one, so prone to emotions.

Then came a day, when I lost sight,

Of that one girl who had been my light,

In the Darkness that followed,

I wept and cried,

But couldn’t get her back into my life.

When I saw her next,

There was no pretext,

She saw into my eyes and said just this,

I have loved u forever,

And that was bliss.

I know I cannot but stand as tall,

And she made me realize, I am so small,

I cannot say that my heart was broken,

For I never had one to hear the unspoken,

I still live for the sake of that one smile,

That made my life seem worthwhile.

Dont ever reinvent the wheel

For the last two days i have been slogging it out. And realized a very basic thing that i knew for a very long time. "Dont ever try reinventing the wheel". First,. there is no glory in it. Second the person who had originally invented the wheel must have already improved upon the same. And hence u are by all probability going to end up with an inferior product, at the cost of more hours than were needed to be spent on that.

I recently read somewhere that in today's age of search engines it is almost a crime not to know anything about any topic in the world. Provided that they are all a few clicks away. I think i can correlate that to my present state of mind. Its always advisable to check up on present advances on any subject before actually jumping in and trying to solve the problem. It will save us a lot of sleepless nights....

How bored must i get to call it Boring

U know what,. I am getting tired of the repetitions. Everywhere its the same. The classes feel like they are the same since forever. whatever happened to higher studies. Anyways i am sure its going to pick up in a while. Though it surely is not meaning lesser work. I the meantime i can maybe brush up things. Lets see how long can i hold up. Though a few subjects do give me the creeps. Thats all for now. See u later. I have to get back to do what i am supposed to do.

I read a poem...

Well i just read a poem now and not knowing what else to write here,... (Ever since i thought that i am going to write whatever comes to my mind nothing seems to be coming there... So..).

here it is...

Tell me, if I caught you one day
and kissed the sole of your foot,
wouldn't you limp a little then,
afraid to crush my kiss?...

I got it from here while stumbling.. [http://www.romanianvoice.com/poezii/poezii_tr/apoem.php]

Its lovely. The perfect thing for sweeping her off her feet... :-)

Words are all i have -- Anant Bhushan

There are going to be a few words here now and then. On subjects that i may be picking up at random. Let us say whatever comes into this randomized head of mine.. :-) ...